Holy crap. We locked the door on this and walked away for a while, and then we open the door after an couple of months or more and you're still here. Like that light in the refrigerator. Don't you people have anything better to do?
We're truly sorry for not posting lately, and we're trying to figure out what it all mean. We started this little blog about a year ago, and we've drifted in and out since then (sort of like we do in real life). But now we feel like we're a little more out than in.
Blogging is like rolling drunks for pocket money: Sure, it's fun, but in the end it's a lot of exertion for very little if any gain. We started this as a quasi-anonymous enterprise so we could post links to animal sex stories that run in otherwise respectable family newspapers and throw up some Jailhouse Honeys once in a while without Mom finding out, but that may have run its course.
We're considering pulling the plug on this blog and setting up non-anonymous shop somewhere else. We could even steal some stuff from this blog and use it in the new place. Because you can steal from yourself, right? After all, if it were illegal, Jon Bon Jovi would be doing hard time.
So, bear with us. We may post some more here, and we may not. For our most loyal followers (both of you), we'll let you know where we end up. For the rest of you, good luck pondering the whole Romney vs. Huckabee vs. Palin thing. We know -- it's a head scratcher.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Running for cover: Newsweek's Sarah Palin mistake
Sarah Palin doesn't need us to defend her. She has an army of REAL AMERICANS who LOVE GUNS, HATE TAXES, EAT VELVEETA with their BARE HANDS and probably IMAGINE SHE SMELLS PRETTY DAMN FINE. We, on the other hand, think she was stretching herself as mayor of Wasilla. President of the United States? Do you remember Jennifer Jason Leigh's exit scene in "The Hitcher"? That's the kind of stretch we're seeing there.
Still, we have to wonder what they were drinking at Newsweek when they picked the cover picture for their Palin article. It's from a shoot she did for Runners World a few months back. Weird pose, tight runner pants, flag over the back of a chair next to her (her urge to wrap herself in it must be overpowering), plus something in her hand that we didn't look close enough at to identify (Taser for liberals? "Greatest Hits of Lee Greenwood" to run to?).
We saw when Runners World posted it with other pictures and some Q&A stuff online, back during a stretch when Palin wasn't doing much press. We thought some of the pics, well, odd, but we had never heard she was a runner during the campaign, so it was news to us, and oddly humanizing news about a person we thought might have been built on a secret far-right assembly line. (The line has since been upgraded, we heard, and is now producing Carrie Prejean.)
Newsweek's excuse -- "most interesting image available to us to illustrate the theme of the cover" -- sounds weak. We haven't seen the story yet, but given the description on the front, using this pic might be another of those Jennifer Jason Leigh stretches. There are plenty of "interesting" photos of Palin that don't look like rejects for the cover shot of J. Crew's late-summer clearance mailer. Maybe the story brings it all together, but we could have used a hint on the cover as to why that image was used other than to embarrass her, if that is indeed possible.
Palin's saying it's sexist (for all the Rush-rants against the cult of victimization, it's nearly a fetish for some of the far-right types). We'll stick with questionable, and maybe dumb.
Still, we have to wonder what they were drinking at Newsweek when they picked the cover picture for their Palin article. It's from a shoot she did for Runners World a few months back. Weird pose, tight runner pants, flag over the back of a chair next to her (her urge to wrap herself in it must be overpowering), plus something in her hand that we didn't look close enough at to identify (Taser for liberals? "Greatest Hits of Lee Greenwood" to run to?).
We saw when Runners World posted it with other pictures and some Q&A stuff online, back during a stretch when Palin wasn't doing much press. We thought some of the pics, well, odd, but we had never heard she was a runner during the campaign, so it was news to us, and oddly humanizing news about a person we thought might have been built on a secret far-right assembly line. (The line has since been upgraded, we heard, and is now producing Carrie Prejean.)
Newsweek's excuse -- "most interesting image available to us to illustrate the theme of the cover" -- sounds weak. We haven't seen the story yet, but given the description on the front, using this pic might be another of those Jennifer Jason Leigh stretches. There are plenty of "interesting" photos of Palin that don't look like rejects for the cover shot of J. Crew's late-summer clearance mailer. Maybe the story brings it all together, but we could have used a hint on the cover as to why that image was used other than to embarrass her, if that is indeed possible.
Palin's saying it's sexist (for all the Rush-rants against the cult of victimization, it's nearly a fetish for some of the far-right types). We'll stick with questionable, and maybe dumb.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
The CrapTastic5: Oct. 14, 2009
Here’s how competitive things are: Our first tie, at No. 5! The Browns managed to play their way off the list, and play the Bills on, by winning a 6-3 thriller in Buffalo. The Bills’ relief pitching sucks.
T5. Tennessee Titans
L: @Pittsburgh, Houston, @NYJ, @Jax, Indy
We’ve kept the Titans off this list so far, probably thanks to the close loss at Pittsburgh to open the season, but they’re 0-5 and they’ve lost to the Texans at home, fergawdsake. We probably should have done it after the embarrassment at Jacksonville, but the weak Sunday night home showing vs. Indy sealed the deal. This is another team that may just want to go to the Wildcat full time.
T5. Kansas City Chiefs
L: @Baltimore, Oakland, @Philly, NYG, Dallas
Saw the Chiefs’ retros on TV and thought Texas had invaded Missouri. Probably over barbecue. Chiefs had Dallas beat, but in the end their will to lose was too strong.
4. Buffalo Bills
W: Tampa
L: @New England, New Orleans, @Miami, Cleveland
That one-point loss at New England was a long, long time ago. The 6-3 home loss to Cleveland last weekend is a strong candidate for CrapTastic Game of the Year, right up there with the Rams-Redskins 7-6 barnburner.
3. Oakland Raiders
W: @Kansas City
L: San Diego, Denver, @Houston, @NYG
We know, we know, the Raiders won at KC in Week 2 and they’re ranked worse than the Chiefs. But we must recognize that the Raiders have momentum, or negative momentum, or something like that, you know what we mean. Combined score of last two games, at Texans and at Giants: 13-73.
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
L: Dallas, @Buffalo, NYG, @Washington, @Philly
The beatdown goes on in Tampa, where the schedule doesn’t look to offer much hope. This weekend at home against Carolina and trip to equally beleaguered Miami in early November may be Bucs’ best chances to avoid the oh-fer.
1. El Rushbo Rams
L: @Seattle, @Washington, Green Bay, @SF, Minnesota
Rams scored 10 points at home against the Farvikings and their scoring average went up. Tells you all you need to know. At least the Rams are losing to decent teams (minus the Redskins). The problem is, they’re losing really badly every time.
T5. Tennessee Titans
L: @Pittsburgh, Houston, @NYJ, @Jax, Indy
We’ve kept the Titans off this list so far, probably thanks to the close loss at Pittsburgh to open the season, but they’re 0-5 and they’ve lost to the Texans at home, fergawdsake. We probably should have done it after the embarrassment at Jacksonville, but the weak Sunday night home showing vs. Indy sealed the deal. This is another team that may just want to go to the Wildcat full time.
T5. Kansas City Chiefs
L: @Baltimore, Oakland, @Philly, NYG, Dallas
Saw the Chiefs’ retros on TV and thought Texas had invaded Missouri. Probably over barbecue. Chiefs had Dallas beat, but in the end their will to lose was too strong.
4. Buffalo Bills
W: Tampa
L: @New England, New Orleans, @Miami, Cleveland
That one-point loss at New England was a long, long time ago. The 6-3 home loss to Cleveland last weekend is a strong candidate for CrapTastic Game of the Year, right up there with the Rams-Redskins 7-6 barnburner.
3. Oakland Raiders
W: @Kansas City
L: San Diego, Denver, @Houston, @NYG
We know, we know, the Raiders won at KC in Week 2 and they’re ranked worse than the Chiefs. But we must recognize that the Raiders have momentum, or negative momentum, or something like that, you know what we mean. Combined score of last two games, at Texans and at Giants: 13-73.
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
L: Dallas, @Buffalo, NYG, @Washington, @Philly
The beatdown goes on in Tampa, where the schedule doesn’t look to offer much hope. This weekend at home against Carolina and trip to equally beleaguered Miami in early November may be Bucs’ best chances to avoid the oh-fer.
1. El Rushbo Rams
L: @Seattle, @Washington, Green Bay, @SF, Minnesota
Rams scored 10 points at home against the Farvikings and their scoring average went up. Tells you all you need to know. At least the Rams are losing to decent teams (minus the Redskins). The problem is, they’re losing really badly every time.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The DamnFine10: Oct. 13, 2009
Two big SEC games helped remake the top of the list. Both, unfortunately, were about as fun to look at as the Denver Broncos’ throwback uniforms.
1. Alabama
W: vs. Va Tech, Fla. Intl., N. Texas, Arkansas, @Kentucky, @Ole Miss
We still think the Tide’s body of work puts it a shade above Florida. Win at Ole Miss wasn’t as good as Gators’ win at LSU, but Bama also has the Virginia Tech scalp. And by the way, why does Bama have an elephant for a mascot? Is it the “Tusk”-aloosa thing, or is it just all the Republicans?
2. Florida
W: Charleston Southern, Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky, @LSU
Florida finally played somebody, and the Gators won. SEC Championship Game rematch could again end up being de facto national championship game. Still not sure why LSU couldn’t figure out that TEBOW WASN’T GOING TO KEEP THE BALL, but, hey, that’s for the X-and-O geniuses to figure out. We think perhaps Tebow used his whirly messiah eyes to hyp-no-tize the Tiger line into thinking maybe, just maybe, JHT might keep it this time. They probably all went to a nice evangelical Christian church the next morning, too.
3. Iowa
W: Northern Iowa, @Iowa St., Arizona, @Penn St., Arkansas St., Michigan
We thought the Florida-LSU game would be a far more entertaining Saturday night offering than Michigan-Iowa. Wrong again. All these close games will eventually catch up with the Hawkeyes, we think -- although they play in the crappy Big 10, so maybe not. QB Stanzi seems capable of playing down to just about anybody’s level, though.
3. Cincinnati
W: @Rutgers, SE Missouri St., @Oregon St., Fresno State, @Miami (OH)
Didn’t do a damn thing last week, but they didn’t lose. Now they must prove themselves against another suspect undefeated team. That’s what passes for drama these days.
4. Boise State
W: Oregon, Miami (OH), @Fresno St., @Bowling Green, UC Davis
Ditto. The seething cauldron of hate that is Tulsa’s home stadium awaits. OK, that just didn’t sound right.
5. Virginia Tech
W: Marshall, Nebraska, Miami (FL), @Duke, Boston College
L: vs. Alabama
OK, it was a cozy home game, and, OK, BC wasn’t supposed to be a powerhouse, but sweet Jesus. The Hokies looked like they were playing the cast of “Glee” out there. Game at Georgia Tech may be the best we get out of the ACC this year.
6. LSU
W: @Washington, Vandy, La-Lafayette, @Miss. St., @Georgia
L: Florida
We know Florida has a good defense, but LSU’s offense was more than a little underwhelming. Coach Ballcap better figure that out or there will be more close losses.
7. TCU
W: @Virginia, Texas St., @Clemson, Southern Methodist, @Air Force
We’re not just keeping TCU in here for Dan Jenkins’ sake. But if ever there were a worthy cause. We would pay good money to read a Dan Jenkins TCU national championship column.
8. USC
W: San Jose St., @Ohio St., Washington St., @California
L: @Washington
Whipping Cal in Berkeley (dirty hippies!) helps dull the memory of that horrible loss in Seattle (more dirty hippies!). A little. Also proves Trojans can beat a team without “State” in its name.
9. Nebraska
W: Florida Atlantic, Arkansas St., La-Lafayette, @Missouri
L: @Virginia Tech
We were going to give this spot to Kansas, but the more undefeated the Jayhawks get, the worse they look, their narrow home escape from putrid Iowa State being the lastest example. Nebraska’s last-second loss at Virginia Tech looks better than any of Kansas’ wins. Cornhuskers’ win on a miserable night at Mizzou puts them No. 1 in the Weather Channel poll.
10. Miami
W: @Fla. St., Ga. Tech, Oklahoma, Florida A&M
L: @ Va. Tech
Took a break from reasonably challenging schedule to crap on Florida A&M. Terrific, but what have you done for us lately?
Undefeated teams ought to play somebody: Texas, Kansas
Undefeated teams that had the misfortune to win at Tallahassee during Florida State’s Season of the Apocalypse: South Florida
One-loss Big 10 teams that just aren’t doing it for us yet: Ohio State, Penn State
Teams that we can no longer see because we gouged our eyes out after witnessing their horrific season opener: Oregon
1. Alabama
W: vs. Va Tech, Fla. Intl., N. Texas, Arkansas, @Kentucky, @Ole Miss
We still think the Tide’s body of work puts it a shade above Florida. Win at Ole Miss wasn’t as good as Gators’ win at LSU, but Bama also has the Virginia Tech scalp. And by the way, why does Bama have an elephant for a mascot? Is it the “Tusk”-aloosa thing, or is it just all the Republicans?
2. Florida
W: Charleston Southern, Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky, @LSU
Florida finally played somebody, and the Gators won. SEC Championship Game rematch could again end up being de facto national championship game. Still not sure why LSU couldn’t figure out that TEBOW WASN’T GOING TO KEEP THE BALL, but, hey, that’s for the X-and-O geniuses to figure out. We think perhaps Tebow used his whirly messiah eyes to hyp-no-tize the Tiger line into thinking maybe, just maybe, JHT might keep it this time. They probably all went to a nice evangelical Christian church the next morning, too.
3. Iowa
W: Northern Iowa, @Iowa St., Arizona, @Penn St., Arkansas St., Michigan
We thought the Florida-LSU game would be a far more entertaining Saturday night offering than Michigan-Iowa. Wrong again. All these close games will eventually catch up with the Hawkeyes, we think -- although they play in the crappy Big 10, so maybe not. QB Stanzi seems capable of playing down to just about anybody’s level, though.
3. Cincinnati
W: @Rutgers, SE Missouri St., @Oregon St., Fresno State, @Miami (OH)
Didn’t do a damn thing last week, but they didn’t lose. Now they must prove themselves against another suspect undefeated team. That’s what passes for drama these days.
4. Boise State
W: Oregon, Miami (OH), @Fresno St., @Bowling Green, UC Davis
Ditto. The seething cauldron of hate that is Tulsa’s home stadium awaits. OK, that just didn’t sound right.
5. Virginia Tech
W: Marshall, Nebraska, Miami (FL), @Duke, Boston College
L: vs. Alabama
OK, it was a cozy home game, and, OK, BC wasn’t supposed to be a powerhouse, but sweet Jesus. The Hokies looked like they were playing the cast of “Glee” out there. Game at Georgia Tech may be the best we get out of the ACC this year.
6. LSU
W: @Washington, Vandy, La-Lafayette, @Miss. St., @Georgia
L: Florida
We know Florida has a good defense, but LSU’s offense was more than a little underwhelming. Coach Ballcap better figure that out or there will be more close losses.
7. TCU
W: @Virginia, Texas St., @Clemson, Southern Methodist, @Air Force
We’re not just keeping TCU in here for Dan Jenkins’ sake. But if ever there were a worthy cause. We would pay good money to read a Dan Jenkins TCU national championship column.
8. USC
W: San Jose St., @Ohio St., Washington St., @California
L: @Washington
Whipping Cal in Berkeley (dirty hippies!) helps dull the memory of that horrible loss in Seattle (more dirty hippies!). A little. Also proves Trojans can beat a team without “State” in its name.
9. Nebraska
W: Florida Atlantic, Arkansas St., La-Lafayette, @Missouri
L: @Virginia Tech
We were going to give this spot to Kansas, but the more undefeated the Jayhawks get, the worse they look, their narrow home escape from putrid Iowa State being the lastest example. Nebraska’s last-second loss at Virginia Tech looks better than any of Kansas’ wins. Cornhuskers’ win on a miserable night at Mizzou puts them No. 1 in the Weather Channel poll.
10. Miami
W: @Fla. St., Ga. Tech, Oklahoma, Florida A&M
L: @ Va. Tech
Took a break from reasonably challenging schedule to crap on Florida A&M. Terrific, but what have you done for us lately?
Undefeated teams ought to play somebody: Texas, Kansas
Undefeated teams that had the misfortune to win at Tallahassee during Florida State’s Season of the Apocalypse: South Florida
One-loss Big 10 teams that just aren’t doing it for us yet: Ohio State, Penn State
Teams that we can no longer see because we gouged our eyes out after witnessing their horrific season opener: Oregon
Friday, October 9, 2009
The CrapTastic5: Oct. 9, 2009
The race for the bottom in the NFL is hot. Can you feel that? It's hot. Stuff's melting. The Titans' hopes, Daniel Snyder's teeny-weeny patience, the city of Jacksonville's interest in having an NFL team, all drip-drip-dripping onto the pavement under the harsh glare of unyielding incompetence.
We're going to race through this because it's already the weekend, ya know?
5. Detroit Lions: Who turned on the lights? Why'd the music stop? Don't tell me the party's over already. Oh, yeah, it's over. At least they won't provide any Tigers-style heartbreak.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: RTTS, or Roster Tells The Story. Nobody gets high off seeds and stems.
3. Kansas City Chiefs: Close call between No. 4 and No. 3, but the Chiefs' home loss to JaMarcus Russell and the Raiders continues to be the trump card.
2. Cleveland Browns: We think we understand now: The Browns didn't want Jets castoff Mangini, they wanted University of Kansas behemoth Mangino, who regularly guides his teams to bowls and even more regularly guides himself to the all-you-can-eat buffet. We can see the movie poster now: The Coach Who Ate Cleveland.
1. El Rushbo Rams: America's biggest ego wants to buy America's worst NFL team, scoring an average of 6 points a game and losing by an average of 21. What ensues? That's right -- hijinks. And more losing.
We're going to race through this because it's already the weekend, ya know?
5. Detroit Lions: Who turned on the lights? Why'd the music stop? Don't tell me the party's over already. Oh, yeah, it's over. At least they won't provide any Tigers-style heartbreak.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: RTTS, or Roster Tells The Story. Nobody gets high off seeds and stems.
3. Kansas City Chiefs: Close call between No. 4 and No. 3, but the Chiefs' home loss to JaMarcus Russell and the Raiders continues to be the trump card.
2. Cleveland Browns: We think we understand now: The Browns didn't want Jets castoff Mangini, they wanted University of Kansas behemoth Mangino, who regularly guides his teams to bowls and even more regularly guides himself to the all-you-can-eat buffet. We can see the movie poster now: The Coach Who Ate Cleveland.
1. El Rushbo Rams: America's biggest ego wants to buy America's worst NFL team, scoring an average of 6 points a game and losing by an average of 21. What ensues? That's right -- hijinks. And more losing.
The DamnFine10: Oct.9, 2009
Some weeks the genius overwhelms us. We’re nearly carried away in its tide, and it’s all we can do to type some of it out as it washes over us. Other weeks it takes us several days to write a sentence or two about a few college football teams. This, my friends, is one of those weeks.
1. Alabama
W: vs. Va Tech, Fla. Intl., N. Texas, Arkansas, @ Kentucky
By a thread. Finally, a trip to Mississippi and a chance to play a real team for the first time since the first week. Wait a minute. Is Ole Miss a real team?
2. LSU
W: @Washington, Vandy, La-Lafayette, @Miss. St., @Georgia
Moved back up after going to Dawgville and winning. If LSU had beaten the living beejesus out of Starkville Tech instead of needing a goal-line stand to win, we might be ready to move them up to No. 1.
3. Cincinnati
W: @Rutgers, SE Missouri St., @Oregon St., Fresno State, @Miami (OH)
Jeez, Cincy at undefeated South Florida is Thursday next week, the night after Boise at Tulsa. It’s the Midweek BCS Pretender Crucible of Fire. Maybe ESPN can sell a sponsorship for that.
4. Boise State
W: Oregon, Miami (OH), @Fresno St., @Bowling Green, UC Davis
God, UC Davis? Is that all you have for us? Next game, at Tulsa, moves to the top of the “Game With Most BCS Implications Ever Played on a Wednesday” list. It’s a short list, and Boise is on it a lot.
5. Iowa
W: Northern Iowa, @Iowa St., Arizona, @Penn St., Arkansas St.
If Michigan can come in and play like Northern Iowa or Arkansas State, it has a chance. That sounds weird, but it must be true.
6. Auburn
W: La. Tech, Miss. St., West Virginia, Ball St., @Tennessee
Auburn finally collected enough moonshine money to gas up the buses and play a road game. And what do you know, they beat Lane Kiffin! Shame, that. Speaking of Tulsa, the old Golden Hurricane offensive coordinator is doing his thing at Auburn so well that Auburn has forgotten what a lousy head coaching hire it made.
7. TCU
W: @Virginia, Texas St., @Clemson, Southern Methodist
Throttling SMU doesn’t get TCU any closer to its dream of winning the Atlantic Coast Conference. Now the Frogs go to Air Force. Maybe they want to get their hands on the Commander-In-Chief’s Trophy. Strangely, the game won’t be played midweek.
8. Virginia Tech
W: Marshall, Nebraska, Miami (FL), @Duke
L: vs. Alabama
Hokies managed to play their first true road game and take the week off at the same time. They still beat Duke.
9. Florida
W: Charleston Southern, Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky
Definitely outplaying Oklahoma in the “We Should Have Given This Guy More Snaps With the First Unit in Practice” sweepstakes. Have fun in Gumbo Land, Gators.
10. Miami
W: @Fla. St., Ga. Tech, Oklahoma
L: @ Va. Tech
We give Miami credit for the schedule so far: all opponents ranked at kickoff, though it turned out Florida State sucked and nobody had come to terms with it yet (Bobby Bowden still hasn’t). The Hurricanes lose some credit for getting prison-raped at Virginia Tech. And they play Florida A&M this week, so forget about that schedule thing, too.
Teams that were considered but left out because they’ve played Louisiana-Monroe, Wyoming, Texas Tech and UTEP, three of them at home: Texas.
1. Alabama
W: vs. Va Tech, Fla. Intl., N. Texas, Arkansas, @ Kentucky
By a thread. Finally, a trip to Mississippi and a chance to play a real team for the first time since the first week. Wait a minute. Is Ole Miss a real team?
2. LSU
W: @Washington, Vandy, La-Lafayette, @Miss. St., @Georgia
Moved back up after going to Dawgville and winning. If LSU had beaten the living beejesus out of Starkville Tech instead of needing a goal-line stand to win, we might be ready to move them up to No. 1.
3. Cincinnati
W: @Rutgers, SE Missouri St., @Oregon St., Fresno State, @Miami (OH)
Jeez, Cincy at undefeated South Florida is Thursday next week, the night after Boise at Tulsa. It’s the Midweek BCS Pretender Crucible of Fire. Maybe ESPN can sell a sponsorship for that.
4. Boise State
W: Oregon, Miami (OH), @Fresno St., @Bowling Green, UC Davis
God, UC Davis? Is that all you have for us? Next game, at Tulsa, moves to the top of the “Game With Most BCS Implications Ever Played on a Wednesday” list. It’s a short list, and Boise is on it a lot.
5. Iowa
W: Northern Iowa, @Iowa St., Arizona, @Penn St., Arkansas St.
If Michigan can come in and play like Northern Iowa or Arkansas State, it has a chance. That sounds weird, but it must be true.
6. Auburn
W: La. Tech, Miss. St., West Virginia, Ball St., @Tennessee
Auburn finally collected enough moonshine money to gas up the buses and play a road game. And what do you know, they beat Lane Kiffin! Shame, that. Speaking of Tulsa, the old Golden Hurricane offensive coordinator is doing his thing at Auburn so well that Auburn has forgotten what a lousy head coaching hire it made.
7. TCU
W: @Virginia, Texas St., @Clemson, Southern Methodist
Throttling SMU doesn’t get TCU any closer to its dream of winning the Atlantic Coast Conference. Now the Frogs go to Air Force. Maybe they want to get their hands on the Commander-In-Chief’s Trophy. Strangely, the game won’t be played midweek.
8. Virginia Tech
W: Marshall, Nebraska, Miami (FL), @Duke
L: vs. Alabama
Hokies managed to play their first true road game and take the week off at the same time. They still beat Duke.
9. Florida
W: Charleston Southern, Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky
Definitely outplaying Oklahoma in the “We Should Have Given This Guy More Snaps With the First Unit in Practice” sweepstakes. Have fun in Gumbo Land, Gators.
10. Miami
W: @Fla. St., Ga. Tech, Oklahoma
L: @ Va. Tech
We give Miami credit for the schedule so far: all opponents ranked at kickoff, though it turned out Florida State sucked and nobody had come to terms with it yet (Bobby Bowden still hasn’t). The Hurricanes lose some credit for getting prison-raped at Virginia Tech. And they play Florida A&M this week, so forget about that schedule thing, too.
Teams that were considered but left out because they’ve played Louisiana-Monroe, Wyoming, Texas Tech and UTEP, three of them at home: Texas.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Will the Rams Ride the Polarize Express?
We already have America's team, or so the Dallas Cowboys tell us. Are we ready for Red America's team?
The news is out that Rush Limbaugh is interested in buying the St. Louis Rams. The involvement of Dave Checketts, whose group owns the Blues and Real Salt Lake in the MLS, makes this more than a conservative sports fan's fever dream.
We got to thinking -- no, really, we did. What happens if Rush runs the Rams? Specifically, how will this affect the team's fan base, assuming it still has one after its recent history on the field?
Plenty of sports owners have been involved in politics. Our previous president was a baseball owner while he was governor of Texas, and a U.S. senator owns the Milwaukee Bucks. Far more operate behind the scenes, pushing money toward campaigns.
But no one as, shall we say, polarizing as Rush has climbed into the owners box of a pro club.
It's easy to imagine Rush's Rams would lose some liberal fans. But let's face it, disdain for the Rams is one of the few things that has garnered bipartisan support lately. They still carry the stench of L.A. about them and they haven't put much on the field to get excited about since Kurt Warner stopped being Jesus.
The question for us is, Would the RushRams draw the love of conservatives across the country and blossom into a national team? Regardless of where you sit on politics (and we sit as far away as possible from what passes for political discussion today, since we generally find decibel level inversely proportional to IQ), it must be said that hard-core conservatives support their own with cash. Would a Rams sweatshirt automatically be penciled onto the shopping list below the Bill O'Reilly book, the Ann Coulter Screech-a-Day calendar, and the teabags for the next rally?
And what if Rush were to push things further and jettison the Rams name, long associated with bastion of liberalism L.A., and replace it with something a little conservative-ier? Patriots and Eagles are taken (damn Donovan McNabb, damn him to hell!), but how about the St. Louis Pachyderms, or the St. Louis Don't-Tread-on-Me Rattlesnakes, or the St. Louis Tax Cuts? You get the picture. Merchandise could be moved.
Would St. Louis become a preferred home for the NFL's conservative talent, giving the RushRams the chance to sign players who want to bask in the light of Mr. EIB for little or no premium?
We don't know. We're not even sure what we had for dinner. It's hard to tell how things might unfold at the Edward Jones/Spatula City Dome.
One thing we know for sure, though: If Glenn Beck buys the Seahawks, it's on.
The news is out that Rush Limbaugh is interested in buying the St. Louis Rams. The involvement of Dave Checketts, whose group owns the Blues and Real Salt Lake in the MLS, makes this more than a conservative sports fan's fever dream.
We got to thinking -- no, really, we did. What happens if Rush runs the Rams? Specifically, how will this affect the team's fan base, assuming it still has one after its recent history on the field?
Plenty of sports owners have been involved in politics. Our previous president was a baseball owner while he was governor of Texas, and a U.S. senator owns the Milwaukee Bucks. Far more operate behind the scenes, pushing money toward campaigns.
But no one as, shall we say, polarizing as Rush has climbed into the owners box of a pro club.
It's easy to imagine Rush's Rams would lose some liberal fans. But let's face it, disdain for the Rams is one of the few things that has garnered bipartisan support lately. They still carry the stench of L.A. about them and they haven't put much on the field to get excited about since Kurt Warner stopped being Jesus.
The question for us is, Would the RushRams draw the love of conservatives across the country and blossom into a national team? Regardless of where you sit on politics (and we sit as far away as possible from what passes for political discussion today, since we generally find decibel level inversely proportional to IQ), it must be said that hard-core conservatives support their own with cash. Would a Rams sweatshirt automatically be penciled onto the shopping list below the Bill O'Reilly book, the Ann Coulter Screech-a-Day calendar, and the teabags for the next rally?
And what if Rush were to push things further and jettison the Rams name, long associated with bastion of liberalism L.A., and replace it with something a little conservative-ier? Patriots and Eagles are taken (damn Donovan McNabb, damn him to hell!), but how about the St. Louis Pachyderms, or the St. Louis Don't-Tread-on-Me Rattlesnakes, or the St. Louis Tax Cuts? You get the picture. Merchandise could be moved.
Would St. Louis become a preferred home for the NFL's conservative talent, giving the RushRams the chance to sign players who want to bask in the light of Mr. EIB for little or no premium?
We don't know. We're not even sure what we had for dinner. It's hard to tell how things might unfold at the Edward Jones/Spatula City Dome.
One thing we know for sure, though: If Glenn Beck buys the Seahawks, it's on.
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